Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
