I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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