my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she smelled like a LAN party
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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