This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
