I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
