Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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