living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
