it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
