Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
