The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
