My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
