very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize