If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
