he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Found the puke drawer
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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