____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
