Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
