is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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