I cannot find my penis.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
