I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
