last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
