you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
