Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
