oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
