piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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