We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
