I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
