Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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