I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
