I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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