when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
