I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
