I will die if light touches me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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