I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
