i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
