I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize