In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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