We're facebook friends in real life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
