Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
