nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
