I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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