you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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