he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
PANTIES FOUND
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