I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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