Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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