Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
