I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
