My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
