Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
