dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if only i could text you this smell
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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