I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
