Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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