I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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