She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
