If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
