you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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