my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
50% drunk capacity currently
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
