last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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