Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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