Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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