don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
