Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
