she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He better not be in your backpack
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize