Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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