I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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