I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
