If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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