I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
