I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
