What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
