I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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