The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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