Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't turn off my feet"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
